I was already pissed off when I answered the phone. I finally had some time to take an afternoon nap before I went back to work, but the phone had to ring right when I closed my eyes.
– Hello, can I talk to Susan Barbosa, please?
– Hi, Senhora Susan, my name is Cesar. I must tell you that, for your own security, this call is going to be recorded. Is that ok, Senhora Susan?
– I`m calling in name of Itaú bank, to let you know that we are going to be sending you a brand new credit card and it is going to be arriving at your home in 15 days. Is that ok, Senhora Susan?
I didn`t know if I should be angry by the “Senhora Susan” – which in Portuguese sounds like he`s talking to an old lady, – by the frequent “going to”, by the fact he made me get up for that, by the fact he talked to me as if I had difficulty understanding him (like an old lady) or by the annoying argument I knew I was about to have with poor Cesar. But it is not his fault, really, so I continued.
– So the card is going to get here and I`ll have to pay its fee.
– No, Senhora Susan, we are sending it for free.
– But there are fees every month, right? As any credit card.
– That`s right, Senhora Susan, it`s only 4,50 a month.
– Well, I don`t want it.
– It`s all right, Senhora Susan. We are going to be sending the card, that is going to be arriving in 15 days, and if you choose not to use it, you don`t have to. For the card to work, you need to call us and unblock it. If you don`t do that, we won`t charge you.
– Don`t I have to cancel it? I heard of many cases like that, you send the card and the person just ignores it or throw it away, and then by the end of the month the bill arrives.
– That is not going to happen, Senhora Susan, if you don`t unblock the card, there is no charge.
– So I don`t have to call and cancel, do I?
– No, senhora Susan, you don`t.
– Are you sure about that? What`s your name again?
– It`s Cesar.
– Are you sure about that, Cesar? Isn`t this call being recorded?
– Yes, Senhora, I am sure. And yes, the call is being recorded.
– So you guarantee there won`t be any charges, no headaches over canceling cards I didn`t ask for…
– Don`t worry, Senhora Susan.
After all that talk about cards, I thought our conversation was over. He was just a messenger after all, he needed to communicate the card was being sent and that was actually nice. But I was wrong.
– Ok, Senhora Susan. Can I confirm your home address, please?
– I need to confirm your home address to send you the credit card.
He was a seller after all.
– So you haven`t sent it yet? How do you even have my address? I don`t have an account in this bank and I never requested a credit card.
He wouldn`t give up now, he was halfway through.
– Senhora Susan, do you still live on Tonelorio street?
I was so relieved, he got my address wrong. I actually lived on Toneleiros, but I would never let him know that.
– No, that`s not where I live. And why would you send me a card if I just told you I won`t use it?
– It`s just a trial, Senhora Susan, have I mentioned the advantages of this card? Do you know about the miles program?
– Yes, I do! It`s the same with every freaking credit card of any freaking bank! I`m not stupid, Cesar, I know how a credit card works! I know the advantages, and I also know the disadvantages! And based on my knowledge I refuse your offer. Is that ok, Senhor Cesar?
– But, Senh…
– Don`t send me the card! This call is being recorded! I hope you don`t send anything against my will, Cesar, that could cost you your job!
– No, Senhora Susan, listen, if you would just give me a chance…
– I don`t want any credit card, I`m happy with mine, are we clear?
– Thank you, have a nice day.